Will Wooton: How do you tell if your teen is on drugs?
By Will Wooton
A simple Google search will yield a hundred websites giving you the traditional answers to this question. I’ve found these surface-level answers to be of little help when dealing with teens. These basics are a good start, but only a start. Let’s look at the general questions and expand from there.
Will Wooton
I’d say these are the typical top answers:
• Poor grades
• Change in friends
• Low motivation
• Isolating from family
• Sleep patterns
• Loss or no interests
• Mood swings
• Weight loss or gain
• Lies or outrageous stories
• Missing or new unexplainable things at home.
All of these are accurate for a drug abuser, yet most of these are very similar or even mimic normal teenage behavior. So how can you really tell?
Warning signs are just that; signs that there may be more going on than you think. When I’m assessing someone I don’t ask, “Do you have no motivation?” or “Do you see yourself having mood swings?” That would do me no good. What I do is look at overall behavior and how the teen views life.
Addiction and drug use is not a disease of morality. It can affect anyone or any family no matter how moral the upbringing. It is a disease that will take away someone’s convictions and allow him or her to do things they would have never thought possible. From theft to dropping out of their favorite sport, drugs change kids. Change them to act like a total stranger in your home.
If you feel as if there is a loss of knowing who your teen is, then there is a problem.
Drug use thrives on secrecy. The more they can make you think you’re the only parent that makes a big deal out of what’s going on, the more successful their manipulation. A drug abuser’s goal is to push the limits while making you feel guilty or thinking you’re crazy for suspecting them of wrongdoing. You’re not crazy for caring and wanting what’s best for your child. Parental denial is the most powerful tool kids use.
If you are uncomfortable with the idea of sending your kid to college today, as they just don’t seem to have the life skills to make it yet, that’s a real sign too. If you find yourself thinking, how could my child think their behavior is acceptable. If you see a push toward criminal thinking like theft or blowing off rules (rules are stupid or don’t apply to them) then you must act. Loss of integrity is a key warning signal. Is your teen meeting their potential or just floating through life week to week?
And if your gut is telling you that your teen is on drugs, I’m sorry, but they most likely are. Listen to your instincts.
The next step is to drug test them. Most doctors will order a drug test if you ask. Find out what’s in your teen’s system. Drug stores carry home tests, but those don’t give you the quantities of what has been abused, only a simple positive or negative.
Search your teen’s room. Go through their computer histories and look at phone and text records. Don’t feel that because they are growing up you need to give and respect their privacy. No parent who has lost a child to addiction has ever said, “I wish I had done less or tried less.”
Drugs can and do kill kids. If you’ve seen warning signs, dig more. If you’re digging shows you that there is more going on, then take action and seek professional help.
Wooton is program director of Pacific Treatment Services in Escondido and co-author of “Bring Your Teen Back from the Brink: Get Educated, Get Tough and Get Help to Save Your Teen from Drugs.” Reach him at will.pts@me.com.
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I think the part about not regretting doing all you could is so important. So many of us are so hung up on the teens right to privacy. They do have a right to privacy if their lives are functional and there is no suspicion of their activity. But if you're suspicious it's important to look and see for everybody's sake. Great article!
Right on Will we were in such denial with our own son. We were noticing so many of these
Signs that our teen was struggling and not motivated. I like how you stated theses are symptoms that any teenager can experience as they go through so many changes and acceptance as they reach puberty and try and feel comfortable in their own skin and basicly justt try and fit in. Our son used a lot of manipulation and played my husband and myself against one another we would second guess a lot of our thoughts and suspicions. Thanks to you Will we were able to set some rules in our house and drug test him and find the confidence and understanding that we weren't over stepping his privacy when we searched his room and read the results of these drug tests. I can remember feeling so guilty and how could our child be on drugs. Where did I go wrong. I am a stay at home mom and felt like I was on top of things. But these kids are sneaky and their friends change. It can all happen so quickly. It is a matter of life and death. Don't wait to long or you could lose your child for a life time. We are do blessed that we acted when we did and our son is clean and sober now for 6 years. Thank you Will for helping our family get educated and also for giving our son a mentor he could turn to and trust. This affects the whole family.
This is a great article and I am glad this information is out there. Having two teens struggle with drug abuse, I can speak to how scary and overwhelming it can be. Seeking help was the first step of many that has changed, not just my teens, but our entire family for the better. My biggest resistance to seeking help was the shame I felt about our situation. I wanted to close up our home and wait for the storm to pass, but drug addiction doesn't work that way, and our situation spiraled out of control. Parents, don't bury your heads in the sand, seek out help, find a support group, and educate yourselves, your child's life could be at stake.
Good timing Will. You helped my family 10 years ago and I'm happy to say he is still doing well. I was talking to a mother this morning who has a teenager in Poway and she suspects he is using. Such a scary time for parents to navigate. I am grateful for you and will send her your way.
Where would I be able to get a copy of this book? I don't see it online. Id like to get a few copies for family members. For so long parents have wanted to be friends with their children and we've raised a bunch of soft disrespectful teens. Im interested to know what this Wooton has to say about that.
I don't want to date myself but in my day kids had fear. Kids listened. Kids respected their family and country. Now its all about who's the nicest parent. I started being nice when my kids were grown and responsible for their lives. Until that day Im a father first.
I think if a few more parents did this less kids would use drugs.
I completely agree.
@Glen-
I found the page on their website that talks about the book. (www.ptssandiego.com) Also, it looks like it is for sale on Amazon as well which is great if you have a Kindle, etc.: http://www.amazon.com/Bring-Your-Teen-Back-Brink/...
Thanks for (continuing to) put out such vital information in such an accessible way…
Ive listened at one of your lectures and been to some of your groups with my son and it was really informative! keep up the good work!
Will, you are amazing! Keep sharing your knowledge and support. Every parent you support can hopefully save a teens life! We need more people like you!
Having a child going into high school, it is so helpful to see what I should be watching for. I am going to order the book so I can be aware of what I need to know as a parent so this doesn't become part of my child's life. I also had the chance to look at your website and will bookmark it to have as a resource for friends who may need it too.
Great advice! I especially like how it was mentioned that the kids make you feel like your over reacting or the only parent out there who is making such a big deal about things. I would also like to add that some parents are okay w/kids having parties at their homes and/or buying alcohol or drugs for our kids. I was fooled one time into thinking just because the parents said that they would be there that everything was under control. Not so. I found out you have to ask the parents MORE than just: Will you be home? UNLESS you know the parents pretty well. I ask a lot more questions now.
Will, I have a very special friend who's child/family you have helped. You have been a great influence in their lives and I thank you for being so passionate about this subject. I have heard about how many lives you have saved and touched. Keep on, keepin' on~
The issue for me was not "How do I know if my kid is using drugs?" I knew for quite some time that my son was getting high. The issue was "Oh no, this is a big problem, how do we make him stop?" We tried. We couldn't make him stop. We needed professional help. Thankfully, we realized it before it was too late. Today, we are grateful to have a healthy, productive, sober son. Thanks again Wiil.
CHANGE in appearance is also a sign! Our son went from strawberry blond to BLACK dyed hair, changed his clothing as well. As far as "searching the teens room"…I was an EXPERT!…there are all kinds of hiding places…I found pills stashed in empty CD jackets, and other drugs hidden inside his SONY playstation (where you insert the games)…For all the parents/kids who are shocked and angered that I was "invading my son's PERSONAL SPACE/ private stuff" (as my kid once said.)..my response was this "This is MY HOUSE, and I PAY THE MORTGAGE…I can do WHAT I WANT!
My advice to parents who don't want to "BE THE BAD GUY"…GROW UP PEOPLE!!!! You are NOT your kid's best friend, you are the PARENT!!! Act like one!…THEY WILL THANK YOU FOR IT LATER!!!!!….My son Jordan (3.5 years TOTALLY sober) tells me everyday!!!!!! You will NOT REGRET being the bad guy, I promise you! Listen to what WILL has to say!!!!!
For those parents who are looking for clarity, i.e…. an explanation as to why their teens behavior has been suspicious, defiant and confusing…the 10 paragraphs of Mr. Wooton's recent article in my opinion are worth well over $1000. in professional advice. Look no further than Pacific Treatment Services if you are on the fence about seeking
professional help for your troubled teen. Take one day at a time and "Never give up on them."
I'll just bet the history of the majority of those children who have brought great shame to themselves and their families was initiated by the innocent use of marijuana. This is the same mind altering drug the liberals want legalized and sold at the store of your choice.
Don't fall for their phony, self gratifying arguments that is does not lead to a more serious use of harder drugs and the reduction in crime that somehow benefits society. Is being under the continuous arrest of drugs better than being in jail?
Will absolutely knows what he is talking about and he is the man to go to when you want help with your child's drug and/or alcohol addiction. I have seen some of these "warning signs" within my own clients and friends, and it is nice to see such a clean visualization (Will's article) for such a fast growing problem within America's society.
Is it just me or do these comments sound scripted?