Help for families starting to deal with addiction issues
By Will Wooton
In reviewing email suggestions for article topics that I receive, I decided to go a slightly different direction this week.
Will Wooton
My book, “Bring Your Teen Back From The Brink,” has what I feel is a good starting point for families just starting down the path of addiction. Learning how to parent a teen who is experimenting with drugs may prevent, if not completely stop, an addictive path. The following is an excerpt from the introduction.
More than just getting clean
With teens, drug abuse itself is rarely the only problem. The ultimate problem is actually the behavior and the decisions that they make while under the influence. Anger, negative attitude toward the family, poor motivation to achieve or even set goals, failing academic performance, and depression are hallmark signs that someone is abusing drugs.
As parents you may feel these behaviors are a passing phase for your child. You remember similar things that the teenage-you or your friends may have been through. You’ll say, “I made it through, so what’s the big deal if my kid is experimenting too?” You may go so far as to try to parent as if you can reason with your teen, while hoping that if you relate to them, then they’ll be safe.
Hope on your part is a wonderful thing, but not without solid action. Your teen’s friends should be made at social settings/school, not at home. Your child is not your friend and treating them like a buddy to do things with is poor parenting.
Your child is the most precious gift that you have. Along with that gift comes tremendous responsibility. Step up to the plate and tackle that responsibility head-on through discipline, reinforcement, role-modeling, and love.
I have seen families that could not handle me telling them what they needed to change in order for their child to change; some even walk out of group in the middle of a session. They may say that they just want their child to “cut down” on drinking alcohol or marijuana, and focus more on school. If that’s where you are, then I highly encourage you to get help fast.
Tear it down to build it up
Have you seen a total house remodel? It starts with a demolition that is a dirty, chaotic mess. Only one wall or room might be left standing. When you first see that stripped structure, you probably can’t imagine the beautiful new home that will be built in its place. With lots of patience and time — and, of course, a dollar investment — you’ll get something that looks like the vision you’ve had all along.
That could easily describe bringing your child back from drug and alcohol abuse as well. While the process may look hard, the result can be amazing for your family.
I invite all parents to sit down and write out a description of the kind of person you want your child to become as they grow/mature: healthy, responsible, honest, trustworthy, motivated, etc. Now look at the reality of what your child’s beliefs/actions are right now. Do they match up? If not, don’t feel like you have failed as a parent. You haven’t. But now is the time to educate yourself and take action.
Leading your teen through this process and back to a healthy, productive life is possible. I have seen hundreds of families move from total dysfunction to becoming a supportive group of individuals who grow together to help achieve recovery.
Wooton is director of Pacific Treatment Services. PTS is a substance abuse company working with teens and young adults. Website: www.PacificTreatmentServices.com.
Related posts:
- Will Wooton: How do you tell if your teen is on drugs?
- Wooton: Is there value to drug testing?
- Will Wooton: What if someone doesn’t want to be helped?
- Wooton:Examining local trends of substance abuse
- Wooton: Education the key to parents understanding drug use
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on Oct 25 2012. Filed under Columnists.
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Mr Wooton is right on and I couldn't be happier to see his thoughts each week. It's not the typical just talk to your kids about drugs that I often hear. How can I set a meeting with him? Does he have a office in Poway? Does he have a wife and children? Would he except a dinner envite from single moms? Does he read these comments? All questions I'd like to ask him in person!
I appreciate having Will's words of wisdom and encouragement. I am too emotionally involved with my child to see the truth sometimes. Good article. Thanks!
I encourage parent's dealing with this issue to take action. Having gone through the demo stage with two of my children, this can be a very confusing and painful time. I know that my husband and I could not have done it on our own. Sometimes, it is just too difficult to see clearly what is happening inside your own home. After a lot of hard work and painful honesty, we are starting to see two people we are proud to claim as our children emerging from the rubble, which makes all the work and hard decisions worth it.
My son described his overuse of alcohol as it made him feel as though he was “finally coming home”. I spent those years of his abuse in a blank state, I mean I knew he would “experiment” right? Even when he came home so loaded he threw up and hugged the porcelain god for three hours, I swore that that was a fluke and stayed up with him through the night putting cold compresses on his head.
Will’s message is reality, my son’s cry for help was not “a phase” . It was a cry…..and I didn’t get it for a couple of years. My son has a success story but it was years of chaos before we got there. Will helped my family and what he says is so. Hopefully the readership of this article will gain the trust and support they need to move their family forward. As parents we can’t be pals, and we can’t “hope” this phase will pass.
I never thought of myself as my son's friend. I thought to myself "I don't smoke pot with him so I'm not his friend!" However friend can be defined in many ways. Did I live my life through him? Yes. Did I love it when his friends confided in me and told me their secrets? Yes. I thought I was being there for them. In a way I was, but I never had the relationship that my rules were to be respected and followed. Him and his friends ruled my life and my house. I wasn't their confided friend as I thought. I was their enabler. I let go of that and was hated for awhile. It was painful for me, but I kept doing what Will said to do throughout the tough spots. After time a new mom emerged, one that truly parented. And the son became grateful and responsible. Will Wooton knows what he's doing.
I bought the book and especially appreciated the individual stories of families Will wrote about. I like his compassionate yet structured point of view. It shows he is on the kids side. Will wants them to grow up to be the best people they can be. He cares.
I learned a lot about how I needed to change my "parenting style" once my kid was caught with marijuana from this book. The structured, deliberate parenting ideas were the ONLY effective mode of dealing with our teen. Now, our kid is staying sober, acting more responsibly and maturely and learning how to be a successful young adult. The key: smoking pot was only a symptom of what was really going on and this approach helped all of us learn a better, effective way to move forward! The alcohol or drugs are only a symptom of a kid who doesn't yet know how to grow up and live successfully and maturely!
We were at the, where do we turn stage about 6 months ago. Our son who was always a great athlete and a sweet respectful kid kept getting arrested – why you say?? He could not handle smoking pot and drinking alcohol. It was like he had to get completely wasted every time then do something completely out of character – steal liquor, hang out in the open in cars with friends or at the most infamous drug hangouts just asking to be caught. Our son was obviously in need of help. The last time he had issues at school he asked us to find him a program and the judge insisted on it. With the help of a counselor at his high school we found Will Wooton. Our son is doing well and has made life long friends in his program. He was in that chaotic mess and is on the way to rebuilding his life.