Wooton: Parental denial is a destructive force

By Will Wooton

Most people believe that recognizing a drug problem in an adolescent during times of crisis (arrests, problems at school, defiant behavior at home, even overdose) may appear to be easy. Television dramas and reality shows make it seem ever more commonplace.

However, every day we are dealing with families that, even though they are in the midst of crisis, fail to see these behaviors and warning signs for what they are. Denial, this hugely destructive force, can hamper effective treatment at any point in the process. The denial of a parent, for teens that need help, can be the deciding factor for long term success or failure.

In the early stages of treatment (and before seeking help), it is most common to have parents wanting to believe that their child is going through a phase. They desperately want to believe their family can return to normal after some short-lived consequences. Or, that this is no different than their use as a teen and their child will “get over it.” This is a normal desire which comes from a defensive drive that has helped humans deal with extreme stress and trauma that otherwise might be debilitating. The denial reflexive defense helps give the mind the time needed to absorb a traumatic event or help cope with prolonged stress. It does serve a purpose and in some cases can be helpful in the short term.

However, in the case of adolescent substance abuse, early intervention is always better. Waiting until the crisis is so bad that it is undeniable can have catastrophic consequences, reinforcing to the teen that their behavior is “OK” often is easily implied by waiting to act. Commitment to early change is essential; the sooner a pro-active stance is taken, the sooner help is sought out, and the sooner the change can begin.

Once the initial process of change has started, and the teen is no longer using and the crisis has died down, is where it really gets tricky. This is where TV reality shows and dramas fall short of the mark. It’s easy to portray an intervention or a crisis. It makes great, entertaining, and sometimes educational television or movies. But the smoke has cleared and there are no more signs of trouble. Lulled into a false sense of confidence, many parents begin to let go of the structure and honesty that helped put out the fire in the first place.

The most common mistake we see is this lack of follow through. Much like any other disease, a lack of symptoms is not equal to a cure. The attitudes and beliefs that lead teens to use drugs and alcohol are pervasive.

In order for a family to recover, a new way of thinking and interacting must be adopted. Parenting teens with substance abuse issues is different from parenting normal teens. Seeking help from professionals and peers who understand this process is essential. They will provide not only support and education, but also a mirror.

Denial can only be addressed with a clear, honest picture of what is actually happening. The traumatic events that lead a family to help are easily forgotten or minimized in a short time. What do a few good weeks matter with a year or two of drug use and defiant behavior?

The process of recovery, for a whole family, is a long road. It is a lifestyle change. Support and honest feedback for parents is as essential as it is for the adolescent. Too often we work with families who see some positive changes and want to believe that everything will be OK from there. Unfortunately that can result in massive backsliding. Stay realistic, stay vigilant, and keep honest and knowledgeable people involved.