Students discuss academic pressure at forum

Three students on Tuesday night shared the effects of academic pressure at the “What I Wish My Parents Knew” forum at Rancho Bernardo High School.

Luqmaan Bokhary, a sophomore at Westview High School, Esther Ryu, a senior at Rancho Bernardo High School and Sydney Pidgeon, a senior at Westview High School, shared their experiences with academic pressure in high school with parents at the event.

This was the sixth event put on by the steering committee behind “What I Wish My Parents Knew,” which includes current and former Poway Unified School District principals, parents, PUSD staff and faith leaders in the community.

Hundreds of students at Poway High School, Del Norte High School and several faith communities in the district were surveyed about what they were concerned about and what they wish their parents knew, which produced the topics that are discussed at the event. These topics were academic pressure, depression, social media, healthy relationships, communication, creating boundaries and guiding your teen through the party years.

At the academic pressure breakout session, Bokhary, Ryu and Pidgeon each offered their own experience with academic pressure, which they said often came from friends, fellow students and even themselves.

All three said that they took heavy loads of honors and AP courses and regretted it after struggling to keep up their grades and find enough free time to pursue extracurricular activities.

“I saw all my friends doing three or four AP (classes) and said, oh, I’m going to do that too,” said Bokhary, who talked about how he found himself struggling recently to catch up in his fast-paced courses after missing two weeks of school due to illness.

Bokhary said that while some of his teachers were helpful, others were strict and didn’t offer tutoring to help him catch up, leaving him to learn the missed material on his own. “I should have been able to get help from each and every teacher,” he said. “We can make this situation a little better if students were helped more, and if teachers were more willing to work with students.”

Bokhary said he wished someone had told him he didn’t need to take 8 AP classes a year. “You just need to slow it down,” he said. “I wish someone had told me.”

Bokhary said he found the jump from ninth grade to his much more difficult 10th grade “shocking,” and the workload from his classes left him forced to drop several activities he enjoyed. “I no longer had time to focus on bettering myself,” said Bokhary. “I no longer had passion for anything I was doing. I had to drop things I liked, and had to learn how to manage my time better and gain organizational skills.”

Ryu also said that overloading on stressful and difficult classes led her to missing out on activities she enjoyed.

Ryu said some of the pressure on her came from growing up in a Korean household, with two parents who attended Ivy League schools and older siblings who were academically very successful. “I challenged myself, with lots of AP classes and lots of extracurricular activities,” said Ryu.

Ryu also cited peer pressure about grades and test scores. “People would say, “Five APs? You’re not taking six?” Little things that eat at you, psychologically.”

Ryu said that she was disappointed in herself for not getting into as elite of colleges as her parents and siblings. “My parents told me, Esther, you’re never going to be happy when you compare yourself to others.”

She encouraged freshmen not to be afraid to take their time in figuring out that they want to do, and that it was okay to pursue their interests. “I didn’t join Science Olympiad in 9th grade because I didn’t have the time, which is one of my biggest regrets,” said Ryu.

Ryu also advised students and their parents not to worry too much about not getting into an Ivy League. “Where you go (to college) doesn’t really matter, it matters what you do when you get there,” she said.

Pidgeon is another student whose academic ambitions eventually led to her being forced to drop activities she enjoyed due to lack of time.

For Pidgeon, her desire to get into UCLA from a young age was the driving force behind her aggressive class choices. “I had my heart set on UCLA,” she said. “My mom planned out the classes I would need to get into UCLA (in freshman year), honors and AP classes. I was basically killing myself over these things.”

A volleyball and soccer player, Pidgeon found herself missing volleyball practices to study. “I didn’t learn my lesson, and took (the same heavy courseload) in sophomore year,” she said. She ended up having to quit soccer, Key Club and CSF.

Her junior year, Pidgeon said she realized that even with these classes, she wasn’t guaranteed to get into UCLA. Instead, she focused on taking the classes she wanted to take that year. “It was my favorite year ever,” said Pidgeon, “because I got to enjoy the high school experience. I’m so grateful I was able to have more of an experience by cutting back on my classes.”

Pidgeon said that it was important for parents to realize that colleges aren’t only looking at GPA, but want well-rounded students. “You’re losing the high school experience by only studying,” she said. “Don’t focus on college names, but what fits your student the best. I didn’t have the perfect GPA, but thanks to my extracurricular activities, I got into every college I applied for.”

Pidgeon did not apply to her former dream school, UCLA, because she said she realized it didn’t fit who she was as a person.

She also said that students and their parents shouldn’t look down on community college, as it is an amazing opportunity to save money and live at home before transferring. “It’s a great opportunity,” she said. “Students shouldn’t look down on themselves for going to a community college.”