Mr. Marketing: Are the apostrophe’s needed?

As I stare down the throat of yet another birthday, it’s time again to put on my cranky hat.

Regular readers have heard me complain loudly and often about poor grammar, bad spelling and overuse of the word “like” in everyday conversation.

To this list I’d add the errant apostrophe.

We’ve all seen them, of course. “Just for CEO’s” read a recent solicitation. “Lemonade, no seed’s” advertises a local café.

As a writer I find it troubling that we’re either not learning the proper use of apostrophes or we’re forgetting too quickly.

So as a public service, a few thoughts about proper apostrophe usage:

Apostrophes indicate ownership. These are Mr. Marketing’s columns. They are not my column’s.

Apostrophes could indicate missing letters, if my license plate said Mr Market’g.

Apostrophes indicate plurals of abbreviations and symbols, as in several M.D.’s.

Confusing? You betcha! However, customers deservedly expect a certain amount of professionalism when buying from you.

Which means that sign you hang or brochure you mail should be written well and spelled properly. And apostrophes are an important part of the mix.

I’m admittedly a curmudgeon. Yet when I see retailers’ signs misspelled I don’t blame the school system or over-work. I conclude the manager is a doofus who didn’t take time to properly present his wares.

And don’t even get me started with the mistakes I find on restaurant menus!

Dorothy Mevorah, my 10th grade English teacher, introduced me to the wonders of The Elements of Style, putting everything you need to know about better writing into your hip pocket.

While my teenager’s generation might argue that CUL8R qualifies as good communication, anyone with any world experience under their belt knows better.

An ability to speak and write well makes your message more persuasive, your products or services more sell-able and your business more profitable. You’ll woo your potential mate more effectively, get more charitable donations and complete that novel currently hidden away in the garage.

As my personal calendar turns once again, I’m asking anyone reading these words to give me the gift of clean communications. Make that extra effort to write and spell properly, and read things aloud to ensure they sound right.

Your customers, stockholders and marketing columnists will thank you.

With that said, I wish you a week of profitable marketing.